Children and Divorce: Common Reactions and What to Say and Do

Posted By Documents for Divorce on March 12, 2010

Children and Divorce: Common Reactions and What to Say and Do
by Heidi Culbertson

All children, no matter what their age or developmental stage will experience some effects of the divorce. Younger children may not be able to verbally express themselves but they are still impacted by these changes. Whereas, older children may have more understanding they may feel torn about the breakup of the family. This can be a very confusing time for children and adolescents. Below is some helpful information to help you and your child through this time in your lives.

Talking to Young Children (ages 4 to 8 ) – Common Reactions of Young Children

• Tantrums, crying or irritability
• Anger or aggression
• Negative behaviors or acting out
• Expressing fears of being alone, unloved, abandoned
• Clinging, need for parental attention
• Regressive behaviors (thumb sucking, “baby” talk, etc.)
• Blaming themselves for the divorce, parent leaving
• Withdrawal, emotional distance
• Fantasies about parents staying together, idealizing the other parent
• Disturbances in sleep
• Difficulty in school: difficulties with concentration, focus, staying on task.

What to Say and Do:
• Give verbal reassurance to young children.
• Give physical comfort.
• Give developmentally appropriate information about the divorce.
• Maintain consistent routines that are familiar to them.
• Discuss upcoming changes or schedules before they occur. Use a calendar to show in concrete ways what will happen.
• Give young children tangible items to provide them security.
• Read books or watch shows that address divorce.

Talking to Adolescents (ages 9 to 12) – Common Reactions of Adolescents

• Feelings of being hurt, lied to or betrayed.
• Anger or aggression.
• Feeling conflicted about loyalty to each parent, feeling “stuck in the middle.”
• Confusion about who they are and where they fit in
• Sense of shame about family situation.
• Negative behaviors, such as withdrawal, acting out, etc.
• Manipulative behavior, playing “games” with parents.
• Disturbances of sleep.
• Difficulties in school.

What to Say and Do
• Help children express and cope with grief, anger and other feelings of concern.
• Avoid placing the child in the middle of conflicts.
• Speak about positive aspects of the other parent.
• Avoid open criticism and support your child in maintaining a positive relationship with the other parent.
• Spend one-on-one time with your children to strengthen your relationship.
• Keep your child’s activities normal.

Talking to Teens (ages 13 to 18) – Common Reactions of Teens

• Feelings of anger and powerlessness about the divorce.
• May “grow up” more quickly, distance themselves emotionally from parents.
• Conflicted about loyalty to each parent.
• Sense of a loss of “home” or family security.
• Emotional withdrawal, depression, isolation.
• Self-destructive behaviors (drugs, alcohol, etc.).
• Increased sense of responsibility for their younger siblings.
• Questioning the permanency of relationships in general.
• Discomfort with parents’ new romantic relationships.

What to Say and Do
• Be honest with teens to avoid feelings of distrust.
• Reassure them of your love and ease any of their fears.
• Be consistent in your parenting and family rules.
• Avoid criticism of the other parent.
• Provide a consistent and stable routine of living.
• Support your teen’s positive relationships with friends.
• Identify other supportive adults that they can talk to.

Other tips in helping your child through a difficult time:
• Reassure them that it is not their fault.
• Remain consistency with discipline.
• Keep your promises.
• Be available to talk with your child when they are ready.
• Let your child be a kid (not taking on adult responsibilities).
• Take care of yourself. You are the backbone of the family.
• Seek professional help if you notice that your child’s symptoms are not improving.

Heidi Culbertson is the Director of Client Development at Harris Family Law. Harris Family Law specializes in Denver divorce, Colorado family law and Colorado child custody laws.

Article Source: Children and Divorce: Common Reactions and What to Say and Do

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Can you Cheat on a DNA Paternity Test?

Posted By Documents for Divorce on March 11, 2010

Can you Cheat on a DNA Paternity Test?

by Kevin Camilleri

DNA Paternity Testing is now the most widely used method of confirming a biological relationship between an alleged parent and their siblings. There are essentially two types of tests you can perform. There is the ‘Court Admissible’ Test whereby the collection of the samples is performed through a controlled chain-of-custody procedure with a third party to act as a witness and verify the authenticity of the samples. Then there is also the ‘At-Home’ DNA test whereby a DNA testing kit will be sent to you and you will be responsible for collecting your own samples. The At-Home test is also commonly known as Peace of Mind Testing.

Due to the nature of collecting the samples, the legal test of course provides an almost cheat proof system if a neutral and qualified third party witness is used. However for the home DNA test, since the parties are responsible for collecting their own samples, this gives rise to the opportunity to cheat on the test. This can be done by submitting someone else’s sample which will inevitably lead to a negative result. This possibility has led some to question the reliability of the at-home tests.

Accuracy of the DNA Paternity Test

From a scientific point of view, the accuracy of these tests is now almost a given. When the father, mother and child participate in the paternity test, a properly accredited and experienced DNA testing laboratory will provide a probability of paternity in excess of 99.999% thereby confirming the biological relationship, or alternatively issue a probability of paternity of 0%, thereby confirming with 100% accuracy the exclusion of the alleged father.

The laboratory of course cannot know if the samples provided are of the correct person (s). In fact, it is quite normal for a DNA test result to clearly state that the samples have not been verified and hence the report cannot be used in a court of law.

Only in cases where the samples submitted are of the wrong sex will the laboratory question the samples, since by testing the Amelogenin gene (nowadays a standard part of a DNA paternity test), this will confirm the sex of the donor. Also submitting the sample of an animal (e.g. swabbing you dog) will also be picked up by the laboratory as it will not be possible to conclude the test.

In addition, once the samples are processed, the laboratory will issue a DNA profile that is unique to the individual. Whilst the result will of course be erroneous, in the event the other party manages to obtain the correct sample, the new profile can be easily matched to the old profile to confirm if they are similar. Having said all this, it is still obvious that it is possible to cheat on a home paternity test by submitting another human’s sample and of the same sex.

What should I do if I think my partner will cheat on the DNA Test?

Therefore if you are suspicious that your partner might cheat on the test you have the following options:

1. Perform the swabbing procedure in the presence of all parties and make sure to seal and send yourself the samples to the laboratory.

2. If it is not possible to be present at the same time or location have the samples taken in front of a neutral third party (i.e.) (a lawyer or doctor preferable) that will act as an independent witness to the collection. If the test is not being done for legal purposes then the third party witness will not need to sign any official documents for the laboratory to issue a ‘Legal’ result. He will just guarantee peace of mind to all the parties.

3. Order a ‘Court Admissible’ test and follow the chain of custody procedure required for the collection of the samples.

4. If the other party refuses to provide a sample under any of the above scenarios, proceed through official legal channels to ‘force’ the other party to participate in the test. This is of course the most expensive and time consuming process and should be entered into as a last resort. In situations such as this, we strongly recommend obtaining legal advice.

Do Clients Often Cheat

In my extensive experience in the field of DNA testing, it is very infrequent that a person will try to cheat on a paternity test when supplying his own sample. Most clients are bona fide clients who simply want to find out the truth. Also in cases where the other party suspects possible foul play, they will take measures as per above. However, in the limited cases where there has been an attempt to cheat, the negative result were always challenged by (most cases) the Mother who eventually managed to obtain the correct sample for re-testing.

Other examples of cheating include Mothers who know that it is highly likely that the man being tested is NOT the biological Father and they will try to contaminate the child’s swab with there own DNA, as they think this will provide a negative result without the laboratory noticing. However, since the laboratory will pick up this contamination, re-testing will be required.

In conclusion, whilst one may try to fool or cheat on a paternity test, eventually the truth more often than not comes out either through scientific methods detecting the tampering or through the process of obtaining supervised re-sampling.

Article Source: http://www.articleclick.com/Article/Can-you-Cheat-on-a-DNA-Paternity-Test-/1076884

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Want to Get Custody of Your Child? 2 Things You Must Know!

Posted By Documents for Divorce on March 10, 2010

Want to Get Custody of Your Child? 2 Things You Must Know!
by AlanK

Advice offered on getting child custody is pretty much the same; it is almost generic in nature. But every child is different, every case is unique and every judge has his own views. Each individual case is independent of the other. Nonetheless there are a few issues all parents should fully grasp in order to have a fighting chance at winning the custody battle. It is probably the biggest fight either parent has ever fought and its best they enter the battlefield fully equipped.

It goes without saying that the better prepared you are, the better your chances of winning the case. Every decision you make at every step either adds or detracts weight from your custody battle, and you do want to get custody of your child, don’t you? So wherever you are in the process, it is imperative that you familiarize yourself with 2 vital truths about family courts.

1. The law will only work for you if you understand it in its entirety

You need to be fully aware of what the law says about your particular state of affairs. You and only you know your situation inside out. The most competent attorney does not know details like you do. Be very cognizant of the small, supposedly inconsequential aspects of your case. The best attorneys can sometimes miss them, but you should not. The small ‘unimportant’ points could turn out to be the fulcrum on which your case rests.

A case in point – while trying to get custody for her children, Mary’s husband had often threatened to abscond with the children. She mentioned it to her attorney, but he wasn’t alert enough to pick up on it. Had she in turn been more attentive and pushed the matter, it could have translated into reason for granting her ex-husband only supervised visits. Little things do go a long way in making all the difference!

2. This is a court, sometimes you have to fight for justice

Enter court with a humble attitude. Do not assume that you will automatically get custody of your children. Be prepared to fight, if you want to get custody of the children. And to win the fight, you need every advantage on your side. This means you need to hire an attorney of high repute and expertise who knows and understands the court system and the judge.

Further, your parenting skills and lifestyle may be put under a microscope. Do not be intimidated or humiliated by it. Nobody at court knows where you come from or what your story is, and frankly no one really cares. It’s sad but true. It is in your own best interests that you fully acquaint yourself with family law, at least the aspects of it that pertain to getting custody of the children.

The more you understand about the process, the time involved and the people who play the role of decision makers, the better prepared you are. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Be prepared to fight the battle of your life and get custody of your child!

Don’t risk the pain of losing custody of your child or getting minimal visitation rights.

If you want to know how to get the best custody arrangement for you and your child then don’t miss this: http://custodyofachild.blogspot.com

Article Source: Want to Get Custody of Your Child? 2 Things You Must Know!

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